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Tone down
Off the Wall
Aug. 4, 2011
You may remember
my story titled Soft Talk. It dealt with a survey I conducted
about "Speak softly and carry a big stick," a statement
made by Teddy Roosevelt.
One of the people who responded, Lily Arbagale, from Pona, IL,
made a point that left an impression with me. She said, "If
something is wrong and you feel it's your business to let it
be known that you think it's wrong, you don't need to yell, but
you do need to be confident and self assured - state what you
feel and mean itstick by what you think and don't be swayed by
others."
I can't stress enough
that yelling accomplishes nothing - plain and simple. It's different
when you are in PNC Park and you are trying to communicate with
a couple two rows up. That place is so noisy that if you don't
have some kind of blow horn to let others know what you are conveying,
maybe instead of yelling, write down the message and pass it
up to them.Yelling has never been a mode of communication in
my books. I don't think God intended us to scream at others,
only to use these outbursts to let others know danger is in their
midst.
Many people don't realize that yelling is actually a sin whereby
you are walking away from God. To raise one's voice is not to
His liking, and shouldn't be directed to anybody else as well.
I recently received a blessing by being invited to go to Pittsburgh
and watch the Pittsburgh Pirates play the Baltimore Orioles.
Now, I can't imagine people rooting for their favorite team in
a whisper. It's a common practice to yell for your team, regardless
if it's a city team, the Wildcats or the Derry Ukes, for example.
I had a front row seat overlooking literally 1000's of people
all speaking the same language in tones of excitement or disappointment.
There was one group chanting something I couldn't make out, but
I knew it was to encourage the team. They worked very hard trying
over and over again. Unfortunately the team failed them. That
falls under the category of "It happens."
One woman behind me made her feelings known during every play.
I would like to think she saved all her energy for this ball
game, because she screamed at players, the team and hits made.
Maybe that is what baseball is all about - not just hitting a
ball and running the bases, but having spectators scream at high-paid
players as they attempt to do their thing.
After telling a friend of mine I had visited the Park, he said,
"How was the hot dog?" When I told him I didn't have
one, he raised his voice and exclaimed, "What do you mean
you didn't buy one? That is what you are supposed to do when
you visit places like that!" Sorry, I guess I missed that
course in college - "Park Dogs Basics 101."
Have you ever visited a large hall, church, or meeting room
where a speaker is attempting to give a speech? No sooner does
he start talking, but someone pipes up in the audience - "Can't
hear you." Now, my question is, "Is that appropriate
to yell from one's seat, or would it have been better to get
up and proceed to the stage and present the message in a quieter
tone. Personally, I think the yelling from the seat is rude and
disruptive. If the speaker knew he wouldn't be heard from the
getgo, I'm sure he would have made preparations to make sure
he can be heard from the front row all the way back to the last
seat and out the door, as far as that goes.
I know several folks whom have hearing aids. Many times they
tell me to speak up. There is a difference between doing that
and yelling. Asking the individual if the tone of voice is loud
enough may be a proper approach.
One thing I've always hated is to have people yelling at me as
a form of communication. "Why are you here so early?"
Don't you know you don't pull out flowers that way!" "Tuck
in your shirt!" These three examples can be handled without
yelling demands and commands. As Lily said, "State what
you feel and mean it."
Now, again, I understand many seniors are not feeling well in
their golden years. As a result they have a tendency to yell
at their loved ones. But here, too, also, if you realize how
aggravating you have become and that others really don't appreciate
your behavior, wouldn't it behoove you to change your course
of action?
I really don't think I am the only one who hates to be yelled
at. Maybe those who do it can get a grip on their behavioral
patterns and make friends rather than create enemies. Please
don't have the attitude that "I can yell if I want to,"
because, first of all, that is immature thinking, and second,
it is not welcome in our society.
Thanks Lily for passing along this thought of not yelling. I
hope others will take it to heart.
Paul J. Volkmann
Written: June 22, 2011
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