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Claus crisis
Off the Wall
Dec. 11, 2008
It occurred to me recently,
upon hearing a report on Fox news that people buying Christmas
gifts, and spending for other needs, should do so with cash and
not use credit cards. What quickly came to mind was the gang
up at the North Pole. Now, I'm not sure how it comes about how
feed is procured for the reindeer, material is purchased for
Mrs. and Santa, not to mention the elves. It really boggles my
mind in this time period when the whole world is in economic
crisis how the jolly fat man and his crew are going to meet expenses
this year.
Then, another thing occurred to me. I wonder if Santa is a member
of a non-profit foundation. If one existed, I imagine it may
be called S. Claus Foundation, S.C and E (Elves) Foundation or
Humanity for Santa. Through such an organization, not only would
the gang get necessities at a discount, but it would be tax-free
as well. Taxes have to play into this big time, since there is
talk that with a new president soon, if his organization is not
tax-exempt, he will be in for a real set-back. Also, there are
so many things one has to wonder about this year in particular.
If Claus or his helpers have to fly to a certain someplace to
get the threads needed, will there be increased prices? How will
that affect the cost of production?
Now I must make it clear right now that Santa will be making
his trips to each and every home. So, if there are members of
the younger generation reading this column, please be advised,
he is coming to your house. If for some reason he doesn't drop
down the chimney in the wee hours of the morning, maybe there
are grounds for his delay.. For example, maybe Rudolph stubbed
one of his hoofs, and it is taking him longer to get off the
ground from his last visit.
But let's get back to the Clause crisis.
We all know that Santa's sleigh doesn't go anywhere unless his
animals are pulling it.
I often wonder if Dasher eats more than Vixen. Since there are
nine reindeer in all, including Rudolph, who rules the roost
anyway? Since Rudolph is the leader of the pack, so to speak,
is he entitled to a special type of feed over the others? Really
does give one something to think about, you know.
That gets me back to our subject at hand. I wonder how much feed
is required to nourish these critters on a day-to-day basis.
You know, they must be strong all year long. It goes without
saying that they have to be kept fit for their one night's travel
around the world. Do you suppose Santa has an oblong track that
is on his property whereby he instructs Rudolph and his four-legged
companions to go around so many times a day for conditioning
purposes? I can't see reindeer being "couch potatoes,"
so to speak. They have to remain active so when called upon,
they have the energy to take to the air and deliver the many
presents when called upon. After all, they all need that get
up and go. This way, you'll never hear Comet saying to Santa,
"I'm too tired." "You didn't feed me enough,"
or "Can't we do this some other night." These guys
have to be ready.
And the elves, they have to also be kept fed. Most people don't
know that there are as many elves as there are names. Think about
their food costs. And what about Mrs. Claus? I hope by now she
is receiving her senior citizen stipend.
In concluding, I believe we must all do our very best to make
sure Santa and his helpers
get all the support we can give them. Perhaps, in addition to
cookies and milk, we can leave a small contribution on the table
that will go toward the feeding of the animals, the elves clothing,
or a donation additional to Santa and Mrs. Claus' Social Security
checks so we can be guaranteed a yearly return by them. Maybe,
kids could sacrifice some toys so that the North Pole residents
will have enough food for next year. Just a thought.
Paul J. Volkmann
November 15, 2008
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