I.Q. Test

Now, when it comes to taking test, I never complained. I knew they were part of growing up, and I accepted that. Some of those true and false two-hour long interrogatives in high school zapped my brainpower, but somehow I got through them in good shape. That is why, I guess, I never minded taking on the challenge.

What always interested me was, "Who had all the free time to think up these questions anyway?" It had to be a group of people who had a lot of free time on their hands and was paid to write "brainers" that would stump some people. I don't think it had to do with the amount of intelligence the "test-taker" had, but the amount of logic he could apply while being put to the task.

Let me throw some questions your way, and then tell me, why you are even going to the trouble of answering the questions.

First example. Tuscan and Aleeni were lined up on a track to race around a circle. The first lad was a heavy-set lad with brown shorts tightly clad to his body. Around his feet were black socks pulled up to his calf muscles. He was stylish in his foot apparel wearing tennis shoes, black and white in color with laces untied.

Aleeni on the other hand was thin. He must have stood at least six feet tall as opposed to his opponent who was only five feet. One could see, he was the more athletic type, clad in loose fitting gym shorts, socks that absorbed moisture, and shoes that were tightly laced so there'd be no slippage when he ran.

Here was the question. When the gun sounds, both runners are to run forward ten yards, turn around, run backwards to the starting line, reverse themselves, sprint another fifty yards, stop, turn around in circles five to seven times and then head for the finish line. Here comes the clincher. "Who will win the race?"

Instantly, you may think it is Aleeni (stupid name you may say, but I think it's a stupid question, so the name goes with the question). But, have you considered the variables? Who's going to run backwards faster possibly tripping and falling on his butt? I don't think it's going to be Tuscan. He's going to try really hard, but won't be able to compete as well because of his weight. He might be the winner. However, he is racing with his laces untied? Tuscan may find himself stepping on one of these strings and falling on his "snozolla" causing his nose to stream blood down his front. Won't be a
pretty sight at all!

This question has nothing to do with intelligence of those interrogated, but about those who are writing stupid questions if you ask me. Maybe the it should be worded, "What are the statistical conclusions of Tuscan winning in a foot race against a much thinner fellow in a setting designed with the probability factor of one minus "N" to a limited power?" Now, THAT'S what I call an IQ question.

Yet another. "How many gross of packages containing 144 hooks can you put in a box three times the size of those items? I'll let you figure that one out.

Does one need to have a high IQ to play scrabble or just an ability to know how to use letters from the alphabet?

Here are the real zingers thought up by someone who really had time on their hands. The idea here is to rearrange the letters in words or names and see what you get. Fortunately, I'll give you the answers so you won't have to tap your brain.

When you rearrange the letters from George Bush, you get "He hates Gore." Here are some more. Dormitory: dirty room; Evangelist: Evil's agent; Desperation: A rope ends it; The Morse Code: Here come dots; Slot Machines: Cash lost in em.

But wait!!! There're more.

When you rearrange the letters of animosity you get "Is no amity. The others include: Mother-In-Law: Woman Hitler; Snooze Alarms: No more Z's; A decimal point: I'm a dot in place; The earthquakes: That queer shake; and Eleven plus two: Twelve plus one.

So there you have it. Go take those tests. Have fun scratching the noodle. But realize a higher score won't buy you a cup of coffee when you walk into a diner nor will it get you a seat on a crowded bus. If your scores are lower than your neighbors don't worry about it. There's a lot more to life than test results.

Paul J. Volkmann * 3-13-2002.

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