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In hindsight
Off the Wall
Feb 15, 2007
Recently, I heard on the news that, over the years,
there has been a decline in male teachers. That threw my brain
waves into thinking maybe I could have been some kind of instructor.
The problem that immediately surfaced was, "What could I
have taught?" I really had no interest in much of anything.
I just took course after course in college because it was required.
I needed to do so to accumulate so many credits to graduate.
Back then, that was the only thing going through my mind.
Now, nearly 40 years later, I feel I could probably
conduct classes in some manner of speaking whereby I could educate
my pupils to learn something from the experiences I've had over
the years.
One subject that I got the hang of very quickly
was "LaziBoy Coin Reclamation." I have this actually
down to a science, believe it or not.
I learned this many years ago when the Lions Club
of Latrobe would have their auctions in the parking lot next
to my building that at one time provided parking for Lefty's
Restaurant.
Sitting on my porch, I would watch buyers shell
out their bucks buying everything under the sun, so to speak.
The junky stuff seldom sold. It always seemed that a LaziBoy
recliner was one of the pieces of furniture that remained. I
would wait until the price was so low that spending $.25 would
be a bargain at best.
I bid on it and got the chair which was dragged over to
my place. I would get my tools and proceed to tear the chair
apart. Slowly, I was able to disassemble the unit. While doing
so, I would find a quarter down in the back part of the seat,
then a nickel, and then some pennies to boot. The most I ever
found was $1.25. Talk about a return investment! The G-Men (garbage
men) would get the pieces.
Year after year, I looked forward to this money
making adventure. I never could have gotten rich on this activity,
but it was fun.
After seeing all these home shopping networks, I
recently decided I could develop a hangnail that wasn't attached
to one's finger. It would be similar to a picture hook nail,
but would have threads on the end of it. The object would be
to first drill a hole into the wall. Then screw the end of the
hangnail into the surface covering the threads. Next, pound it
into the wall until it almost reached the desired depth to hang
the picture. Then screw the rest of it in until it took a firm
hold into the wall. On the end would be a little hook that would
be parallel to the wall onto which to hang the wire from the
picture.
I could teach people how to use it over the airways. Sure
sounds like a plan. Besides, I wouldn't have kids bombarding
me with spitballs or ignoring me pleas to zip the lip!
At one time in my life, I couldn't wait for winter
to arrive, for there were a number of sports in which I participated.
One was skiing, and the other, tobogganing.
Of the two, I prefer to dwell on some points of
interest, as I shall call them, that will make any downhill trip
of tobogganing more enjoyable. See, I am already teaching.
1. Take turns pulling the sled-like
vehicle up the hill. That way people won't feel bent out of shape
if one person is made to do this type of work all the time.
2. When riders get to the top of
the hill and position the unit toward the down slope, climb aboard,
but do not sit in front unless one enjoys having snow constantly
being blown in one's face.
3. When sliding down hillsides,
stay clear of trees and other structures. Hitting one of those
can take the fun out of any trip and maybe land someone in the
hospital.
I've certainly learned a lot about maggots. If I
could come out of retirement, I think I would raise them and
teach others about them. Somehow, I feel, the subject wouldn't
be very well received.
Possibly, I could help people understand the dos
and don'ts concerning advertising. I've certainly done that for
a long time.Writing? Maybe, if I could improve my grammar.
Maybe I should stick to the sport of fishing instead.
When I first opened my store, I knew next to nothing. Since then,
I know enough to teach people the basics. Some persons even call
me an expert. I think they got "hooked up" with the
wrong crowd!
Paul j. volkmann
2/06/07
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