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Nail biter
Off the Wall
April 19, 2007
Many people who often refer to television shows
or movies will comment after watching them that the performances
were real nail biters, meaning viewers sat on the edge of their
seats not knowing what was going to happen next. The programs
were so suspenseful that often people would bite their nails.
This nervous reaction doesn't only take place in movie
theaters, for example, but many other places as well.
A while back, I sat behind a teenager in church who
constantly gnawed on the hardened tissue as a means of grooming,
I guess. He examined each finger until he was satisfied that
each nail was chewed down as far as possible. I could only wonder
if the homily had him thinking about his future.
Recently, as you may know, I put out my first survey
of the year asking if one could tell another's character by the
looks of another's fingernails.
One mother told me her son bites his nails all the
time really short. She admitted "He is a very nervous child.
He doesn't realize when he's biting his nails, but he does it
a lot. I'm going to be getting him some stuff to paint on his
nails cause he says they hurt all the time cause he bites them
so short."
So, you may be asking yourself, how in the world
did I ever think of writing a story on this subject, anyway?
One day as I was getting a treatment at Westmoreland
Hospital, one of the nurses happened to come in my room and we
began talking about my Off the Wall columns. After chatting a
bit, I happened to glimpse down at her fingernails and noticed
how nicely they were manicured and polished. I don't believe
I'm wrong by saying that I believe she is responsible, caring,
fun-loving and an ego-balanced individual who loves life.
A senior citizen responded, "I really never
gave this much thought. I guess my fingernails would say that
I'm a no nonsense person. I'm practical and cheap. I keep my
nails short and smooth so I won't snag any of my wearing apparel.
I use a nail hardener to keep them from breaking. I may even
put some red food coloring in the clear polish to get different
shades of pink. Wonder if the word polished comes from nail polish?
Some people seem more polished than others. Thanks for making
me use this brain of mine once in a while!"
A Latrobe resident blurted out, "Absolutely
not!" when asked the question.
An email friend told me, "We must not be quick
to judge on this one."
A correspondent from Utah explained, "You can
tell if a person is nervous whether or not he tears at them,
a laborer if there is dirt under his nails, or a white-collar
worker by whether or not his nails are manicured.
Some people have very long nails, another told me,
"Nails that curl are disgusting. They gross me out. I hate
to look at people with nails like that!"
Boy was I surprised when I got a nine page summary
of nail abnormalities as a way of clues to systemic disease sent
to me by a student at UCLA. Whoa really heavy duty!
Shape of nails could indicate congestive heart failure, anemia
and infection. Color change may tell physicians patients have
silver poisoning, renal failure and hyperthyroidism.
What about my nails? O.K. they aren't the prettiest, I'll
admit. Some I chew and others I cut. I have to keep them a certain
length in case my nose itches as a result of people talking about
me, I can eliminate the sensation. Or, when the soap falls into
the bath water when I'm bathing, I can dig my claws into the
rectangular bar and return it to the green-colored dish. And
most important, I must keep them at a certain length to scrape
my noodle in order to come up with more stories for this column!
If one were to look at my nails, I would hope to
think they could see that I do not have proximal matrix disruption
(good, huh?), am conscientious about cleanliness, can handle
stress, fun-loving and best of all, romantic. Believe those and
I'll tell you some more!
I think I'm on to something, don't you? And
to think I've just scratched the surface!
Paul j. volkmann
3/20/07
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