|
Stu-pid
Off the Wall
May 10, 2007
While watching a sitcom recently, I heard one of
the actors ask the other, "Did you attend the University
of Stupid?" I thought to myself, there is a word that I
use a lot pertaining to anything that drives me bonkers when
things don't go right.
For example, time and time again, after I have risen
in the morning, I get myself a clean undershirt and pull it over
my head and stick my arms in the hole designated for that purpose.
The trouble I always run into, and please don't ask me why, is
that I always seem to put it on backwards.
The first words that come out of my mouth are, "There
is that stupid tag again!"
Now, we all know the tag is not stupid. It's material.
It doesn't know the difference between right or wrong. But I
do, and yet I call it stupid.
Now that I am retired, I find little use for an
alarm clock. But when I have to be up in the wee hours of the
morning, a dependable little clock is invaluable.
So, picture this. Snuggled comfortably under two
blankets, resting my head upon the pillow, I can be seen dozing
with moderate breathing with a slight smile on my face. Anyone
looking on can only assume that what I am dreaming can only be
pleasant.
All of a sudden a buzzing noise goes off in the
room and I spring from the pillow case and look at the rectangular
box on the table. Not only have I lost sleep, found myself detached
from la-la land, but that stupid noise has severed my relationship
with something that was going so well, springing from my subconscious
in patterns of color and wonderful movement. I can only depend
on recall now as sometime in the day, I will be reminded of that
dream that left such wonderful memories.
The other day I was walking down the church steps
and my tennis shoe somehow stopped my foot's forward motion as
I was descending the staircase. The first words out of my mouth
were, "That stupid step," followed by "stupid
shoe." Are you beginning to grasp what I'm trying to tell
you?
Granted, there are some really stupid things I have
said or done in the past. I don't think I am alone in making
that statement. I can even go so far as to say I don't know why
I said what I said, the remarks just flowed out.
One day I got into an disagreement with someone
and the first thing that exited from that person's vocal cords
was "Stu-pid" Looking back, I know the person was not
talking about a particular thought or attitude, but the fact
that I was not very smart in stating what was said.
That brings me to a point in hand. In my opinion
(and others as well, as I have been told), people should never
be called stupid. I'd rather use the words, "uneducated,"
"misinformed," or "short-sighted."
My dictionary defines the word in question as "Very
slow in understanding."
I know there are people who have trouble comprehending
subjects taught to them. Even though Funk and Wagnall (don't
know which one to blame for that definition) may refer to people
have that characteristic, I still would rather use a term that
would be a little more complementary considering the situation.
I'm sure you've heard someone shout at another,
"Hey stupid, get over here." If there is anyone who
is stupid, it is the person making the command!
A friend of mine can tell you any number of times,
people should not tell jokes to me. The punch line always has
to be explained to me. Does that make me stupid? I don't think
so.
Give me a book or directions on how to assemble
something, and chances are I won't be able to follow what is
written. But show me in person how something is done, and eventually,
I can pick it up. Am I stupid not to catch on by reading? Again,
not to my way of thinking.
In conclusion, it is my opinion that I could be
calling objects (not people) a whole lot worse names or even
swear words. But I'll refrain from that. In its place, I'll continue
my tradition. To some it may be stupid, but to me, it's just
my thing!
Paul j. volkmann
3/29/07
|