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Let's pretend Off the Wall Oct. 26, 2006 We are getting to the time of the year when youngsters and oldsters alike will be putting on costumes and dressing up for parties and parades and door to door masquerading for the Halloween annual festivities that falls around the end of the month. It is a festive time and people enjoy imitating their characters in various disguises. I believe all of us at one time or another in our growing up stages thought it would be special if we could be firemen, policemen, astronauts or professional athletes. In my opinion, I don't think there is anything wrong with what I term "juvenile fantasy." Children have good imaginations. Now, don't get me wrong. If a child aspires to be a fireman or police officer at the age of nine and follows through with it, all the more power to him. All I am saying is pretending at a young age is not uncommon. Let the kids be kids. There are different types of pretending than those mentioned above. I remember a friend of my mother who used to visit her on occasion. During one of her last visits, she had mentioned that she was involved in an auto accident. But her philosophy was a little different than most of us. Instead of accepting the fact, she would pretend it didn't happen and put it out of her mind. This was one of the teachings of her religion, to pretend things didn't happen if they caused apparent stress. I could never subscribe to that way of thinking. I'd like to think there is a much better approach to utilizing that word pretend. Let's say two people engage in an argument and neither person wishes to budge. Pretty soon, ill feelings and bitterness begin to erode away the relationship. Anger persists and hatred develops. Does this sound familiar? I think this type of situation happens to more people than is realized. Now consider this. Upon the initiation of this discussion, what would happen if one person said to the other, "Let's pretend this conversation is not happening and stop right here? When we both cool off and give a little more thought to the subject at hand, then maybe we can take up where we left off and try to work this out amiably." Is this a plausible approach? Actually, to my way of thinking, it is a mind set. It's almost like having feelers or sensory devices protruding from one's forehead. When vibrations of negativity would be detected, the conversation would be curtailed. In its place would be changes of attitude resulting in discussions concerning new material. There would be no future reference made pertaining to past thoughts. Even though we as humans are not made like fish or bugs, we each have a keen mind that perceives. Did anybody ever say anything to you that you didn't like, and the first thing that popped out of your mouth was, "I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that?" This person is going to go on with life negating these thoughts maintaining that whatever was proposed to him was off-the-record, so to speak, and never meant to be a part of the conversation. Many times throughout our day, we will encounter people who act, do or say things that aren't our cup of tea, as my mother used to say. Should we be persuaded by their ways of doing things or develop what we know is right and customary according to the traditions set forth by our churches, parents or ancestors? So often anymore, I find when people offend me by the way they talk to me, etc., I like to think I have developed an attitude of forgiveness and go on with life knowing that what was said in one sense happened, but also part of the past as well. Nothing can be done about that time period. I'll just move on, creating a new space where the marred memory lay. The old is gone erased. So as the kids look for costumes for Halloween, may we keep in mind that even though children may seek to be characters of vivid imagination, adults should be more selective, masking out negativity and developing that which is positive.
Paul j. volkmann 9/11/06 |
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