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From the
heart
Off the
Wall
2/7/08
I'm sure many of you who are middle-aged and older
(I like to think there are people my age reading this column)
remember our childhood years. Most of us were taught that if
we give a friend or a brother or sister something, such as a
ball, we will get something in return. It could be a jump rope,
marbles or another toy of some sort. For all intended purposes,
let's call this "the reciprocity theory."
However, there existed those times that a certain
playmate would grab something out of a child's hand with the
exclamation, "I want that. That's mine." Very few children
would let that action go without some kind of retaliation
a push, a smack or even a punch.
An adult would usually step in and tell the instigator
to apologize "Tell Tommy you are sorry," may
be the words expressed, and he would regretfully do so. We
are older now, and have an entirely different outlook on the
theory of "give and take," or do we?
I have asked the following question to a good number
of people and have received a variety of answers. "Does
one have to thank for a gift?" Right off the top of many
people's heads, the reply always came quickly "Of
course!" Why, of course?
Now, someone may say, "That is one of the rules
to say thank you in our society." "It is a custom,"
may be a second person's opinion. And third, "No, if it's
given from the heart, you shouldn't expect words of gratitude."
Today, I'd like to talk about the latter statement
because of a theory I learned a long time ago, and am still putting
the pieces together to form a conclusion.
Looking back to Christmas, for example, there are
some people who sent out over 100 Christmas cards. Did they do
so to get a thank you back or just a shared greeting? I'm sure
it wasn't to get something back; however people who get cards
from others feel they have to send one back to the respective
party. Sounds like the "reciprocity theory" to me.
But wonder if Alvin sent Missy a gift who lives
in Kentucky, and he never heard "boo" whether or not
she got it. Wouldn't a certain flag go up raising doubt in his
mind whether the package was lost in the mail, stolen, or maybe
it is sitting in a warehouse somewhere due to various circumstances
not known to him?
Maybe Missy did get the gift, but for reasons unknown,
she decided not to thank for it, and failed to send some kind
of acknowledgment. Now, I am not stating one has to climb to
the tallest mountain accompanied by rows of trumpeters and sing
with choirs of angels "how mighty is thy gift!" What
necessitates is a statement of gratitude, in my opinion.
Now, here is where I believe all our problems originated
(concerning this subject). Based on my experience, it seems we
build our lives around one word expectation.
Maybe you haven't thought of this, but for every
thing you set yourself up to expect and don't get, you are creating
a stress load on your person that will eventually raise havoc
with your physic. Don't let that happen. It will cause further
problems.
These are my conclusions. First, if possible, re-examine
your approach as to expectation. Second, if a package is being
sent to another, pay the courier for a return receipt so that
you know that the party received the gift, and third, give from
the heart. Do so not to get something back, but because you genuinely
feel a trueness of giving, and you feel compelled to share a
little bit of the blessings you have been given. Once you know
the recipient has received your gift, be content, and feel God's
peace.
Paul J. Volkmann
1/9/08
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